I wish I was confident. I look at the pictures of me in softball, and I hated myself then. Shit, for as long as I can remember, I always hated the way I looked. I’ve never been comfortable with myself. And, honestly, I can’t think of a reason why. Honestly, now, I would give anything to have the body I had my freshman year of High School. I was in AMAZING shape because of travel softball and high school softball. I mean, shit I HAD A JAWLINE, guys. A SEXY JAWLINE. Shit, I had no idea I was THAT good looking. Now, I let my shit go, so now I’m torturing myself every fucking day because I didn’t realize what I had til’ it’s gone.

I guess that’s true for anything in life really. Boys, family, cars, etc. Anything materialistic or something meaningful. I mean, boys who I was with in high school, and then left or they left me, we don’t realize how important they were til’ they’re gone. I’m in that specific situation right now. I didn’t realize what I lost then, til’ now. I’m barely getting a second chance, but it’s there. I’m not going to fucking let it go this time. I mean, I’m lucky I even get this chance. To be with him again, is like a blessing. I’m truly lucky, and I’m so happy. But, in the back of my head its repeating, DON’T FUCK THIS UP, DANIELLE. DON’T FUCK IT UP LIKE YOU HAVE BEFORE. And it’s so haunting and so horrid. Reminiscing about the past gives me the chills because it’s just so.. horrific. I don’t know. I need to let it be. Just, get at a state of mind of peace and just accept I have so many flaws and what be will be. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

Whispering words of wisdom, ‘Let it Be’.

Have you ever gotten so angry at yourself, you’re just pissed off at everyone and everything? It’s like, you’re eating your lunch and you’re just like, “fuck you, French Bread Pizza made by Red Baron! You make me fucking obese!” But, you eat it anyway ‘cause it’s all you have and you’re broke as fuck. Or, even when your mom says randomly in front of your office co-workers, “Danielle, what happened to that diet you’re supposed to be on? It’ll benefit you, you know?” Thanks mom. Yeah, I know a diet will fucking help. I KNOW THAT. Thanks for rubbing in  your 150 ibs weight loss in front of my face. Yes, I’m proud of you. No, it doesn’t motivate me knowing that my ex boyfriend, and everyone else who’s single in the fucking car business wants to fuck your brains out. 

LIFE SUCKS WHEN YOU’RE FAT.

that is all. 

/ugly rant.

The dude from Seattle’s Best Coffee, his names Chase. Ovaries are no longer. Disintegrated. Boom.

I just downloaded The Hunger Games official Motionpicture Soundtrack Score, composed by James Newton Howard, and although it doesn’t live up to what it could have been, I’m in love. I don’t know, I’m a movie/music junkie.

I like weird shit, okay.

I also downloaded a shit ton of Odd Future, Tyler, the Creator, Skrillex, & the Project X soundtrack.

I’ve been busy. 

I didn’t want to know that. I didn’t want to know that. ):
I knew going to see you was a mistake.